Disclaimer- Every bit of this piece is intentional, well thought out and its from from the same publishing house that gave you “The Road East” . The author would like to apologize unreservedly if this piece causes you acid reflux, spasms, joint pains, migraine or eye twitching; these are only the side effects. Full reading will make you totally nauseous.
Think of all major disasters in your lifetime- Stop hard, think and think again. Then multiply that by 10 and what you get as a product is the result of my first book; Unmitigated disaster is a generous euphemism for it. So you read a few Grishams, a few Sheldons and you think its as easy as candy. And you thought you’d be gaping like an idiot at your name in the NY bestsellers’ list on a Times Square screen. Really!
A wise old man once told me – “Believe in yourself, you know son, you can write , you should write a book”. Well an old man, a wizard, a strange Miyagi like man I met on the beaten path? Not really. He is a figment of my silly imagination I just made up a few seconds ago to lend some gravitas to an otherwise pedestrian piece. So I am thinking. This is easy, if Shobha De can write, if Jackie Collins can write (For those who haven’t heard about Jackie, her style is as classical as “Where’s Waldo?), then all those hundreds of writers who occupy the echelons of the local library, what’s the big deal.
So on a quiet weekend, full of inspiration, dreamy eyes and grinning like a complete jackass, I am flying high ready to embark upon my first book. 80,000 words later a classic piece of trash is ready to be disposed, ready to be let loose on unsuspecting phantom readers. No research (who needs research? I know enough), no editing (Why flounder precious $$ on editing, I know my grammar and punctuations well, thank you!) and before you say pop, the book’s out. Well out because it is out not adorning the shelves of WH Smith or Barnes & Noble but out in the garbage pile. As an author I remember having received a few complimentary copies, so I decided I had to put them to good use and perhaps I ‘ll find some gullible souls. So I decided to use a few copies as props for my Ikea coffee table, I gave away a couple of copies to unsuspecting trick or treaters the rest I buried in the backyard, not mine but my neighbors’ ! You think I’d want that associated with me?
In case you want to to know more about that catastrophe, all you do is walk in a park where people walk their dogs. See that bag they’re carrying? Well….
Dare to venture, dare to dream and do it all that looks good, but here are some tips-
1- Do not believe in what your parents think of you. Yes, they exaggerate
2- You are not as talented you think you are. You are fairly ordinary
3- Just because you have a degree , do not assume you are smart. I know people who have no degrees way smarter than me and who’d run circles around me
4- The guy or the girl on screen makes it look easy. That’s it. Just because they can do it doesn’t mean you can too.
5- Ever tried sitting on the couch watching TV? I tried, its easy and that’s something you should be able to do it. (See, I am not always glass empty !)