Category: Culture

Journey to the end of the World- 53 degrees south

The journey to the edge of the world sure sounds ominous but it couldn’t be farther from the truth. The journey that took me right to the southern most region of the world was fairly uneventful but the sheer excitement of touching a southern latitude was sufficient fodder for the travel bug within me. Hard to say if I am bitten by that travel bug or contaminated with it. The past few months would seem to suggest the latter.

Anyway, for those geographically inclined, given the North and south poles are at 90 degree latitude and as far as the northern hemisphere goes, you could go almost upto 85 degree on land . South is different, vastly different and by the time you are around 55 degrees there is no land between that latitude (southern tip of the American continent) and the Antarctica peninsula. And imagine my delight to know the Hotel I stayed in Punta Arenas (one of the three most southern cities in the world) was right next door to the old post office. This is the place where Robert Falco Scott, the British Naval officer sent off 400 letters to several people announcing he was back safe after discovering the Antarctic peninsula. That was in 1904. Several years later in 1911 he lost the race to the South Pole to the Norwegian, Roald Amundsen and the journey ended with his death. I am told they were not all that prepared and even their sled dogs couldn’t take it.

What am I doing here? Punta Arenas is the city right by the Magellan Strait. He was Ferdinand Magellan almost the first person to circumvent the globe and its been 500 years since he found that route that connects the Atlantic to the Pacific. The town is all his for sure; and when you consider the intrepid explorers that chose this path to go to lands unknown, traversing the angry seas and this one did prove that the earth was not flat; contrary to popular belief at that time. That must have been quite a voyage. Originally from Portugal, he managed to upset his masters so much so that they pressed criminal charges against him. He somehow managed to get to Spain where the King was magnanimous enough to sponsor his trip to discover the elusive passage to Asia. The year is 1518- After a route starting from Lisbon and heading south along the west coast of Africa the ships head west towards Brazil and Argentina. Between countless spells of intrigue, treachery, betrayal and other such shenanigans they find the strait. What a momentous occasion it must been and hardly did he know he’d have towns, streets, GPS and even the small penguins named after him. I know a few people that we can have weasels named after them. So after he crosses over to the pacific side him and his entourage get to Philippines to their way to Malacca which was supposed to be their eventual destination. Magellan gets into a scuffle with one of the local tribes and gets killed and with him his ambition of being the first person to circumnavigate ethe globe lies 50 feet deep in the Pacific. His second in command, Juan Sebastian Elcano manages to reach Spain three years after they set sail. The year is 1521.

The gateway to the Torres del Paine national park is on a route that heads north from Punta Arenas towards the city of Puerto Natales. The trip to the Torres del Paine is just over 90 mins from there and once you’re in that region, you could be on the moon. Secluded and majestic in its appearance its all about the blues. Blue skies, blue waters, blue hued glaciers and Paine actually means blue. Chile and Argentina are so co-joined here and you could literally be on the Argentine side in less than an hour.

Its home to the largest count of the Puma. Puma- What a cat – sits on top of the food chain here and he’s got plenty of Guanacos to feed on. Guanacos, part of the camel family are wild and love being in a herd. The Puma is a loner, he is more of a cat than a lion. He doesn’t roar, he meows and loves to eat, sleep , rest and repeat (Some of you may be able to relate to him and it certainly sounds like me on a weekend!)

I was fortunate enough to get sightings of the Puma and a herd of Guanacos and the picture perfect landscapes of the region are as close as you’d get to see unpolluted , virgin surroundings untouched by civilization. Sight of a broken piece of an iceberg made the day even better.

Missed seeing the Magellanic penguins- The penguins migrate to the Isla Magdalena , close to Punta Arenas starting in Sep. They usually hang out around the Atlantic and make the two month journey to get to the place for breeding. Interestingly they do this journey every year and create quite a ruckus on the island. Perhaps later this year, these penguins get the opportunity to see me. Much like the gorillas in Rwanda.

Some fun facts & FAQs-

  1. Penguins may walk funny they are monogamous and stay loyal to their partner their entire life
  2. No- They don’t serve Penguin soup at restaurants there
  3. You cannot adopt a Puma. They bite and they are highly carnivorous
  4. Pumas are not considered an emotional support animal and the airlines do not allow them to travel on your flight.
  5. Guanacos are fast runners but usually end up on the Puma’s dinner plate because simply put, Pumas run faster.
  6. The entire Patagonia has less Spanish speakers than Miami
  7. The wind velocity at the Magellan Strait is enough to carry you away to unknown destinations

Travel tips-

Fly to Puerto Natales directly from Santiago, Chile if you are in for the Torres. If you want to be part of Magellan’s city, you’d better fly into Punta Arenas. You could always do a multi city trip. And the Bus Sur that run between Punta Arenas and Puerto Natales on the Ruta de final de mundo (Route to the end of the world) are absolutely the best way to get around.

Murakoze Rwanda- Journey to the land of a thousand hills and a million smiles

My own piece on my mission to Africa- Opinions are my own, mostly facts and any resemblances to goats, people are purely intentional.

The Bridge that launched a million smiles!

The bridge the mission and instances of my own ineptitude!

Embarking upon the mission was a mix of nervousness and excitement and in spite of several discussions with my predecessors I had that lurking fear of heading into the unknown. Wikipedia, You Tube, first hand accounts do not prepare you well enough, you can watch, you can read, you can talk but unless you get your own boots on the ground its hard to experience the feeling of being in Central Africa.

And being a bit wary, the first flag was when the visa I had applied for came back within 48 hours and with an error wherein they had listed my birthplace as Turkey. Little did I know I looked like a Turk (which to me was a compliment!) ; however a simple one line email fixed that. The Rwandan embassy came back to me less than 24 hours later and corrected it and issued me a visa that was accurate. What made it even better was their use of the valediction– “Welcome to the land of a thousand Hills and a million Smiles”. That was that one boost I needed to look forward to my adventure.

The desire to do something different, be part of something that enables a few smiles is what most of us aspire for. And you don’t need to jump on a plane and travel halfway around the world to do that; you could do it in your neighborhood. But what prompted the Rwandan mission was to make a difference to people that are starved of the basics in life, people with real problems, people with real challenges. Not people who complain about the heat and humidity or the fact that their network speed sucks.

There we are- A team of 15 from different locations around the globe working with Bridges to Prosperity (B2P) to help build a 140M Cable suspension bridge in the Nyanza Province of Rwanda. A place south east of the capital city, Kigali and million miles away from the comforts of home.  B2P is essentially a Denver based NGO that work with developing nations and corporate partners all over the world to make the world a better place by building bridges in rural areas. Here’s the link to their website

Homepage

The funding was almost in place and the thanks to several colleagues and friends, we were able to raise up $60K in just about 3 weeks. Kindness and generosity ain’t dead. The prep work consisted of grabbing everything that may have some use – Getting vaccinated for almost everything but Rabies and yellow fever. After copious reading and research, I found yellow fever shots are not needed for Rwanda and rabies- well that was just way too expensive and I made a mental note not to pet the gorillas or for that matter any mammals when I got there. If I had a compulsive desire to pet a goat in the village I would gladly ask one of my vaccinated co-workers to do it on my behalf!

Visa check, cell phone check, vaccination check, camp mattress check, pillows check, personal safety gear check and of course sun cream. It had only taken me 27 years to realize all skins burn, yellow, white, black and brown- and its not just a White privilege!

After a long haul flight from Houston to Istanbul and then on to Kigali- That was a journey and a half. What I noticed is the detour flights takes heading into Africa since Sudan was a no-fly zone and I couldn’t wait to get my feet on terra firma. Fortunately better sense prevailed and I had decided on getting there a day early- Acclimatize and getting to spend a day in Kigali. What did strike me on my way in to the hotel was the unlittered clean streets . Just a surprise considering every third world country I have been to , garbage is sort like a trademark. I later found out two very interesting facts. One Rwanda banned use of plastic bags in 2009 and every fourth Saturday at the end of each month, they ban all vehicular traffic for 3 hours and every citizen gets going and helps keep the streets clean. Umuganda is a national holiday in Rwanda taking place on the last Saturday of every month for mandatory nationwide community work from 08:00 to 11:00. Participation in umuganda is required by law, and failure to participate can result in a fine. The program was most recently re-established in 2009, and has resulted in a notable improvement in the cleanliness of Rwanda. That is just awe inspiring and so unexpected but explains a lot.

Rwanda has quite a troubled past and those of us that were old enough to follow world events in the early 90s, the genocide was a highly dark chapter in their history. While it all culminated in three months in 1994, where over a million Tutsis were systematically killed by the Hutus in an incredible spate of violence. Practically families, neighbors and friends turned against each other in an orgy of murder that has thoroughly traumatized society. This chapter of Rwandan history is still green and quite an emotional one and one of the drivers I spoke to in detail opened up to me on the horrors and the aftermath of it all. You are best advised not to broach this rather sensitive saga with the locals. I did get an opportunity to visit the Genocide museum in Kigali, which in itself was a gut wrenching, emotionally draining experience. A must visit if you happen to be there.

Heading to the town of Ruhango and settling in to our accommodations- A shock a surprise but took me about 2 hours to get accustomed to the basics of nature. It was like being in a dorm- Three to five people to a room and a small matter of sharing a communal bathroom; one between the 22 of us including the Bechtel team, the B2P staff and the like. Using the term “shower” is an exaggeration, I’d better use ablution facilities to represent the water filled bucket and the squatter’s toilet. Basic but gives you a perspective of what the local community accepts it as a norm. The sleeping quarters where you start to get used to all the moans, groans and snores which I would christen as the “morbid symphony of Ruhango”

Use of common greetings in Kinyarwanda struck quite a note with the locals and helped “bridge” any apprehensions felt initially. The terms “Mwaramutse” (good morning), “Mwiriwe” (good afternoon”), “Murakoze” (Thank you) were the most popular ones. At work it was a slightly different tone with cries of “Hagarara” (Stop), “Yego” (Ok) and “Tugende” (Lets go) and that reverberated all day long.

An endearing experience will always be the screams and cries of children that would chase our vehicle through the small hamlets as we commuted to the bridge site. Cries of “umunyamahango” (Foreigner) and “Goo-doo morning” would echo is my head for years to come. And when the kids came over watching the build and some of them venturing out to make friends with us with was just the elixir we needed to keep going. For some of the team, this was highly entertaining and novel but from those that have been to or grew up in impoverished regions, this is just how life is.

The bridge itself- All I can say is the teaming with the local community was a refreshingly amazing experience. The level of collaboration, being in the ditches with them working under the searingly hot equatorial sun was something I had not experienced before. It was hard manual toil and you had to hydrate yourself constantly and not to forget to apply copious amounts of sun lotion and definitely not a walk in the park. That’s something I have to emphasize – Its pure hard work and while it would all seem glamorous on the surface and “cool”, it’s a testimony to the efforts of the crew on the ground and the backroom staff that made this endeavor possible.

And a note on my own skills (or lack of it!)- For a person that had glued his own knees to the floor while installing floor tiles, I am rather proud to come off unscathed. My ineptitude with handling small tools is legendary and I only wish the poor villagers and my co-workers in the Nyanza province did not have to see me monkeying around with impact wrenches, grinders and even a pair of pliers! If Neil Armstrong said that small step was a giant leap for mankind, using an impact wrench to tighten a small bolt was nothing short of spectacular! An Indian in Africa may not be big news, but an Indian trying to wrestle with a grinder on his own without any adult supervision is folklore! And hey who better to make fun of me than me, right! As they say, it all worked out in the end and I am back with all my fingers and toes intact.

At the end of the two week period, we could look back with a sense of accomplishment and be proud of what we had done. Built a bridge that would link the communities together. Built some friendships, built a legacy and in my best German accent I could say “I’ll be baack”

The larger team had a mixbag of characters – From the sublime to the ridiculous, from the protected to weathered professionals, from strategists to wannabees. It takes all kinds to make this work. And one thing of note- People took to drinking warm Primus beer at the accommodations like a duck to water not because they loved it but because it was better than the other option.

And how could I ever miss our partners in crime- The goats. Of course the goats that seem to rule the roost in the valleys of Ruhango. With deep regret and sympathy I must mention we had to procure four of these hoofers to provide a feast to the local craft in form of a barbeque lunch. They were carefully procured, tested , butchered and grilled and apparently they were a hit with everyone, well not everyone so its with mixed feelings I say this with no bias- One person’s sorrow may be another one’s feast.

Cannot say I have regrets- It would have been nice to get a day off and go off see the big 5 at the Akeygera National reserve but they will always be around and we will always be back. Small price to pay for the rewards.  Well, the gorillas would just have to wait to get their sighting of Ashok!

Murakoze Rwanda – You are definitely a cherished memory and you did walk the talk- The land of a thousand hills and a million smiles!

Project Management in the EPC industry- A compilation of posts by Ashok Iyengar

Leadership-

A huge part of Project management is to be able to  corral the troops, being able to deal with personalities, understand and getting the best of your team members- You can throw in all the buzz words you want, you can make it all glam and snazzy but its really the people that matter!  And if you are able to exploit other resources towards this end, good on you.  Some of the best PM’s I have come across are not the ones that can text with two thumbs but ones that could use an abacus to deliver a project-On time!

People – There is a difference between Process and Tools; let’s not assume or create chaos by confusing the two . It’s akin to a fire. I want you to light me a fire. You rub two rocks or use a blue tooth lighter doesn’t matter. If it’s warm enough to cook my meal I am good. Such is Project Management- the intent is to make the project deliver on time by measuring and working the right metrics. If you choose to use a toaster to make it happen good luck to you, as long as those metrics provide a forward looking view and someone can provide the insights and analysis. Planning still happens between the ears!

 

The EPC industry-

The EPC industry must be one of the most under-rated ones and perhaps a tad unsexy when compared to the world of Finance, Fashion or Hospitality. A poor cousin to the Production industry, it still struggles to get things right , a possible effect of the low margin and high risks involved. Why do we keep throwing buzz words around to address basic issues of execution? I am still flabbergasted by the churn of technology and rocket scientists that claim a few button pushes will define success. Seriously? My eternal mantra almost turns into this rant of- Get the Basics right Focus on- 1- Understanding the As-sold deal. That is the baseline 2- Understand and know your risks- Not every one of these risks is going to be mitigated 3- Define the right KPI’s – Do not measure KPI’s that have no relevance to execution or because a software can spew out pretty charts 4- Measure, monitor and look ahead 5- Keep people Safe No guarantees, but your chances for an on-time delivery just increased ten-fold.

All whining aside , EPC industry may have arrived late but the advancements with digital integration, smart analytics and AI are proving to be truly amazing. A self confessed dinosaur I started to crawl but now firmly believe there is a clear space to optimize all that clouds, lakes and all those paradigm shifting attributes have to offer.

 

Project Management-

Isn’t Project Management about execution and delivery? You make it on time and earn a fair return. Planning/Scheduling and Cost are intrinsically linked and must act as one. Time drives cost for most part no matter how it is spun. When Plans are not met, it will arguably drive cost (Float loss = Cost increase) and discussions on Project execution must always involve both Schedule and cost. Not doing this breeds a kind of monochromatic skill-set that will end up in its own silo.

As much of a platitude this may seem to be- The importance of an Operating Rhythm during the execution phase of a project is only exceeded by its effectiveness. If a project has discipline with an objective program of monitoring, you can maximize the use of technology to make these truly working for you. Again, I am not saying this guarantees success, but gets you a step closer to an on-time/on-budget project delivery.

Obvious but somethings will remain true eternally- 1-Change is inevitable- Like Death, Taxes & i-phones 2- Happiness is positive cash flow 3- Plans change but planning is inevitable 4- The width of a Project Manager’s smile is directly proportional to the bottomline 5- If you have control of your quantities, you usually have control of your project. 6- Bad news still doesn’t get better with age 7- Lying on your resume will get you no-where

 

I ask for nothing more, I ask for nothing else and I make no bones about being accused of being a Plannosaurus- an almost extinct species of the family of dinosaurs. Not only that I firmly believe there no substitute for experience. If the technology that is so enthusiastically utilized for all matters can be utilized towards development and on-the-run change to Plans the Plannosaurus shall be eternally grateful on behalf of the industry. Think about this- If I fed a recipe of a plan for building a combined cycle power plant or a coal plant, will you be able to create a plan for me ? Will technology help in collaboration between my experience and machine intelligence? If I gave you the optimal performance and productivity criteria, will you utilize technology with a solution that enables addressing construction problems on the run?   If you can respond with a YES on either of the two, I will not only give up my technological apprehensions, I will create a conglomerate that fuses the Plannosaurus with machine and actually generate an unequivocal  YES! to – It will indeed help you deliver as-sold!

 

The metrics-

Free Float in a schedule is highly underated. If stakeholders agree to a schedule and stop using free float as an excuse to justify “slips”, your project is positioned well to deal with genuine slips in future. Free Float is there and its there for a reason to account for resource availability and uncertainties but it is not meant to be a reason to “put off” starting an activity. Remember putting off starting an activity will most likely mean you will not finish on time and will result in float erosion across the schedule. And if your milestones are tied to payments, loss of free float inevitably will mean lost revenue when the free float diminishes and turns critical.

Do not be fooled if you are doing well only on the Critical path; how you earn progress against the baseline plan is paramount. You may be maintaining the end date by tracking the critical path, however if you continue to gradually erode earnings and  keep deviating away from your baseline curve, chances are, you’re not going to make it. Any planner worth his/her salt can review the critical path. Earnings erosion is a slow, painful way to figure out that you have a problem. Therefore it is paramount to look at the below aspects of progress all the time- a- Critical path progress b- Overall progress based on earnings of manhours c- Progress on achievement of interim milestones Keeping an eye on the above three may not guarantee you success but you at least you are cognizant of where the project is and offers some kind of an early warning system so the project team has some reaction time to address issues.

Cost influence- It’s all about timing When the project is in its infancy there seems to be plenty of optimism around; there is time and the budget looks healthy. The team feels upbeat about progress and there is a general belief they will be able to meet deadlines and make a decent profit. If this sounds like a great position to be in, what makes it more promising is how much of an influence the team can have on project costs at this stage. What factors can the team influence- Ø Ability to optimize design to affect raw material – Early on, the design team has flexibility to evaluate several options on design and how design could specify low cost raw material by way of both labor and freight Ø Ability to optimize design for capital cost reduction- Design optimization plays a significant role with constructability options thereby leading to reduced labor cost. This becomes a key cost driver especially for projects in locations where labor costs form a high percentage of project costs Ø Ability to optimize the schedule by managing project float- The early part of the project is always the ideal phase at which time the execution team have the ability to look at options in terms of constructability, sequencing, heavy equipment usage, temporary facility sizing and staffing

If you as a Project Controls person can share the top five issues impacting project profitability to the Project Manager, it is worth more than any of the fancy graphics or scheduling tug-of-wars. A Project Manager needs you to deliver what’ll help in dealing with the future, anyone can take history and create a colorful report.

It is time people wake up to the fact that a good schedule in P6 does not guarantee project success. It is not rocket science . The ability to look at critical path and watching your float and communicating it is a better bet for success. Think of this, a good CPM network is like another weapon in a PM’s armory . You have the ammunition so you are prepared ; however the ability to win is governed by how well you hit your targets . Criticality , Float watch and adherence to your baseline are what you need to hit.

If Darth Vader is the Data monster, make sure you have a Luke Skywalker in your analyst who understands and can interpret the data!

As we progress during execution, the % of activities with Total Float less than 31 days continues to increase, when expressed as a % of to-go activities. Good scheduling practices suggest at the baselining phase, if this % is over 15%, the schedule is medium risk. If this % is over 35%, then the schedule is considered high risk. I am referring to the Project Master schedule.

A herd of trouble- Here come the tourists!

This is work of non-fiction. Resemblance to anyone living is intentional. No animals were harmed during the writing of this piece , they were all let loose.

A herd of wildebeest , a flock of sheep – And who do you reckon resemble these creatures representing the world’s most intelligent creature (kinda, sorta, rumored) homo sapiens?

Think Think..cannot be that hard and surely you may have been part of this motley group that mindlessly follows the other without any semblance of intelligence, expensive cameras slung around their necks, excitedly whispering in a language that is alien to all but themselves, eagerly pointing fingers to their offsprings, eyes wide open, mouths animated and limbs moving in a synchronous fashion. And let me provide some more hints! They do not pay much regard to their ambience, they do not worry too much about the weird things that hang in the air which others call traffic lights and the only only thing that may perhaps change is what they’d wear depending on the clime. TOURISTS! That’s right ..You finally get it..

And if you thought I was referring to a certain tribe in eastern Botswana or the central Amazon, I may have said like a quiz master-  “Not quite, close but I’ll give you the points”

They rush through things, they do what lesser humans can hardly dare achieve, run through Europe in just over a week, mock the seals in Monterrey, blow raspberries at the White rhino, pile on to Roman ruins taunting Nero and their ilk, moon the Statue of Liberty, finger on the pyramids of Giza and “holding” the Tower in Pisa. Oh yes, it is not an exaggeration but tell me if you haven’t seen this obnoxious behavior or even having been of this herd. It may be endearing sometimes but I am also told by certain medical experts that such sights may act as emetics (a substance that may cause involuntary retching), stampedes (a fairly common occurrence at the Niagara Falls, NY or the Taj Mahal, India or the Jungfrau, Switzerland.

 

Tourist

So kind folks, keep away when you spy these marauding creatures approaching you in peak summer and run as fast you can in the opposite direction. Woe betide anyone if you’d dare stand in their way  (seen the rampaging bulls in Pampalona?) and take your self to a happy place. There is nothing you can do, but stand back and admire their tenacity and perhaps secretly hoping you were born in their party of the world.

Said a leader of a tourist group (he wished to remain unanonymous)- Cameras, handycams, smart phones, selfies, selfie-sticks- We have it all. Bring it on Evil Knieval we dare you, we are unstoppable and we have basically taken over humanity and if its summer do not even attempt to get the term “challenge” in your thoughts!

Happy hunting all!

 

Tastes and sights- Washington DC

Disclaimer- Opinions expressed below are solely mine, none of the places are fictional and resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely intentional. For most part, no mammals were harmed but cannot claim the same for birds.

Its been a while since I actually sat down to pen down something meaningful. Having been overcome by distractions like travelogue-ing, Project management and self inflicted racism, I figured a wind swept Sunday morning in suburban Maryland was a decent indicator.

What and where all have I been out chasing international cuisines?

1- Asia Nine – This place at Crown, Gaithersburg, a real find. Excellent service, non-existent wait times with some superlative service. The Eggplant Gai Sub is worth dying for ! This is where I would go to to get a sumptuous Asian meal without the hassles of travel or commute

Sr Lucia Trip Apr 2012 002

2- Rasika, Penn Quarter- A fancy top of the line Indian. Pricy but unlike most neighborhood Indian curry houses, the selection is different, not too westernized and highly palatable. A place to take your out-of-country Indian friends and non Indian colleagues. A great dining experience by all standards.

3- &Pizza, Gaithersburg- A fad, not all that novel inspite of what they claim. And one thing you never want to do- Order online. They find ways to screw it your order and you end up with toppings you detest and not getting the toppings you were craving after a 5 miles run

4- Food carts, 13th & F, NW DC- Watch where you stop. Certainly not all of them are what they advertise. Especially the kabobs, shawarmas or Mediterranean , they can get as soggy as sponges left out in a drizzle. The Indonesian cart is something though  and it seems they actually make a good meal of it. And Gourmet is a term that may be used liberally so its more mediocre than deletable.

Must-do’s – Nasi Goreng, Indonesian, Philli cheese steaks, Asian veggie fried rice

Stay away from – Fried chickens, Masala foods, Shawarmas, kabobs

The good news is nothing will cost you more than $10 so if you hit the motherlode, you’re in for a treat

5- Sweetgreen- Anywhere in DC. Well I happen to be an old fashioned warm/hot food connoisseur. Cold foods just don’t cut  it for me, I don’t even consider a salad as lunch. God knows, I have tried several times but just cannot seem to say anything positive about this place. If you’re out meeting me for lunch, you can bet on me not taking you there! Perhaps I am just not “cool” enough for this place.

6- Choolah BBQ, Sterling, Northern VA- After being told it was the Indian Choptle, I did venture out and savored the offerings. Not disappointing, in fact it was rather refreshing for a change. Certainly not a place I’d frequent unless I had a craving for Sodium overload. Worth paying a visit but only if you’re in the neighborhood!

Now on to trails for a good evening’s run- For rookies like me!

1- A good 4 mile loop around Muddy Branch- Lake Winds Way onto Travilah is as good as it gets especially if you can make it before dark and get to take in the visual delights of the fall foliage

Great Falls

2- Seneca State Creek park- A hidden treasure and I only wish I had discovered it sooner. Rolling hills, tranquil ambience and a trail that makes you want more

PS- As I write I am clutching my left calf in pain since I underestimated the power of warm ups and cool downs.

D-I-Y- A four letter word

So what’s this DIY again? Seems as mythical to me as the Unicorn, Santa Claus or tax cuts. Did you grow up in India? Well, if you didn’t you probably have no clue what I am talking about do you?

I actually grew up in a quaint little town called Bhopal; Bhopal known world over for all the wrong reasons- The 1984 Union Carbide gas leak accident that left thousands dead. It used to be an erstwhile Kingdom and it was actually one of the most fun places to be in. I lived in a huge converted palace with god knows how many relatives. So big that it gave me plenty of secret alleys to hide in and it took me 6 months to realize who my brother was. That’s the thing about joint families, no one bothers and you basically get away with anything.

And then of course , being India, everything was done by someone else. D-I-Y? Well the only DIY we did was to pick up the phone ourselves and ask for someone to come over to fix a broken piece of furniture or wash the vehicles. And before anyone gets any ideas, we eventually moved out of that gigantic joint family and spent the rest of my formative years in a 200 sq feet tenement. So of course the only vehicles we saw were the ones driven by others and owned by the others. And how about laying floors, fixing a broken fence or assemble a bed? Now that is really pushing it because as simple as it sounds to you, its still rocket science to me. It just simply does not happen in India. We never got to do do anything ourselves. Someone else was always called upon!

So imagine the shock of it all when I started living in America. So the guy at IKEA hands me a compact box and says that’s my bed. If jumping out of one’s skin is possible, it actually happened to me then. So I am supposed to put this together? I am supposed to look at that sketch of that Apollo 13 and use the screws, nuts and bolts and assemble a bed? Sure enough being hard up for money, I attempted it. And of course after a sweaty, on-the-knees session on the bedroom floor, I thought it was mission accomplished. Then my eyes go and I see 21 screws quietly ensconced in a corner. May be the Swedes were generous and gave me that extra helping of screws? You can run your mind on what the bed looked like? Well it wasn’t exactly a square. If I call it pathetic it would be highly unfair since that is a superlative for the piece of wood that stood on three and half legs!Bad Assembly

And then there was this instance when I had to fix a couple of floor boards which of course involved some rather mule like adamant adhesive. After having smartly spread that adhesive on the floor board, somehow in a fit of extreme enthusiasm I ended up kneeling down promptly on the part where the adhesive was generously spread.So here I am in this position, stuck to the floor and by myself in my kitchen. I managed to slither and reach for my phone while still having my knees stuck to the floor. Voice recognition or Siri doesn’t recognize an Indian accent if you knew that. So 911 and here comes the guy a few minutes later and guess what he does? He laughs until he cries! He couldn’t stop and for him it was the most ludicrous thing he’s ever seen. And being at the receiving end, it was very unfunny to me. I am sure he must have thought- What’s Apu doing on the floor? Isn’t he supposed to be running the cash register at  7-11?

Since then I have vowed not to get too adventurous with DIY.  I will skip a meal a day, I will walk to work, I’ll try to live off one kidney so I can afford to pay those handymen that have absolutely no compunctions about charging me $50 for a 15 minutes check in. Of course if not for me, their families will die of starvation and I’d be accused of stealing those American jobs!

So much for D-I-Y! It is truly a four letter word!

A-Shock! 8.2…

A Shock!

That got your attention, right? That’s just one of the ways I’ve been called! My parents, from a modest middle class family did their due diligence and named me “Ashok”..An Indian name as common as say “John” or “Mohammad” or “Chang”! While they thought they had a special gifted child, I was one of 500 million, so as special as they get!

Things only get better from here..I show up at the engineering school and turns out we have an “Ashok” as the mess boy, an “Ashok” as the neighborhood cobbler and the janitor as “Ashok”. While I hold every trade in high esteem you’d have to in India in the late 70’s/mid 80’s in India to be able to appreciate what these mean. If you didn’t become an engineer or a Doctor, you were an abysmal failure, a loser who would struggle to meet ends meet (including aspiring gymnasts if you get my drift)

So here I am the “special” child getting out to making a career outside of India and then “Ashok” gets butchered, mutilated and any form of disembowelment possible. My parents in all their infinite wisdom thought “Ashok” was easily palatable but wait ! They named me during the times, when Russia used to be Soviet Union, we loved “Different Strokes”, Bjorn used to win Wimbledons and it was actually fashionable to be seen in Momma jeans! And then reality strikes- I get called in as many names possible!

 

EQ

“A-shock” like I am an after tremor, “A-shook” like I am the guy who shakes in the past with a double “O”, then perhaps the more innovative “A- shoock”. I mean I just cannot win!  I have to borrow Mr McEnroe to say – “You cannot be serious”!!

After all of 20 years in America, I wonder, why I never considered something more pronounceable to the Western tongue- Ash, Ashk or may be a just a KO. Then I see my fellow “brownies” with names like Steve (short for Srinivasan), Chuck (short for Chakravarthy), Aaron, really? (short for Arun) , Vince (short for Vinod).. Now at almost 50, I start to contemplate why I didn’t change my name. It would have been brutal, it would been unfair and it would be downright stupid.

Hey if you cannot pronounce me correctly, do not feel offended if I refer to you as “Jos” (instead of Ho-say) or “Tat-Jana” (instead of Ta-Yaana) or refer to Grosvenor as “Grows-Wennor” or  “Illionoi” as Illi-noise”. Fair trade right?

So when I hear the cliché “What’s in a name” I cannot agree more. My friends and colleagues know me as the brown knucklehead who never feels any compunctions or for that matter offense . The A-SHOCKS shall continue!

 

PS- Everytime I wrote “Ashok” spell check suggests something that will be deemed highly inappropriate for this site. I presume this site is rated “G”

The Indian stereotype- We do it to ourselves!

This is work of non-fiction. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely intentional

This is work of non-fiction. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely intentional and no animals were harmed during the writing

And just when I thought stereotypes were going extinct, there it comes back! Some races are targetted by others for most part and with the newly arrived Indians they tend to raise their middle finger to others and proclaim-How dare others stereotype us! We are gonna stereotype ourselves and before you spell Naan, I am going to do it to myself! The saga continues!

And I can vouch for this. I am not someone who had to do any kind of massive research to make this observation. An FOB (Fresh Off Boat) immigrant myself from the land of snakes and elephants (no, not the African grasslands) from almost 20 years ago, I have seen, I have observed, I have cringed and I have been known to utter the occasional four letter word (that has nothing to do with human anatomy or any of your close relatives)

Staring-

The other day I am on the treadmill running at just under 5 mph, this Indian sub-continental gentleman (Could be Indian, Pakistani or Bangladesi) walking on the adjacent treadmill starts to give me the famous stare  and keeps that on and doesn’t relent (Yes staring is a favorite pastime for Indians). Now we all have seen how Indians love walking, ambling, walking briskly but running?  Take a peek as you drive along suburban Washington DC and you can see quite a few. So if you run you are going to stared at by your fellow brownies. Accept that.

If you are reading this and you are not of Indian origin and have visited India, you know what I am talking about. You must have been stared to with rigour and felt 500,000 pairs of eyes digging you in the back and more if you happen to be female.

The H-1

So who are those H-1 Indians? Aspiring yuppies from certain parts of India that fly in armed with an IT degree, work as contractors and then absolutely refuse to assimilate with the mainstream. They tend to congregate, co-habit and collude with each other. You’d see them most likely drive a Toyota , Honda or other Asian cars (High resale value!!) and then you have the upper echelons that may have the Lexus or Merc. All said and done, they have got to be in the IT sector. Anyone in any other business may be considered a pariah I suspect!

H1B

Apparently they seem to have some kind of dress code – A short sleeved or full sleeved striped polo top, “sneakers” and tube socks and that is something you cannot miss. Don’t believe me? Take a walk in any middle class northern VA community and you will not miss any sightings!

IT-

A few weekends back, I was approached by this gentleman in a striped polo at a party and it too him all of 120 seconds to ask me if I was in IT. When I replied in the negative and told him I was in EPC Project Management, he didn’t give up. He followed me and promptly asked me again- Ok, EPC Project Management, but is that in IT? I had nothing to offer but to blabber gibberish and pour his drink over my head. I only hope for his sake and mine, we do not run into each other again.

The PJ’s-

And have you seen some women walking around into the friendly neighborhood grocery store, with utter disdain for norms, clad in nothing but fluffy flip flops, night PJ’s and looking like they just rolled out of bed and have taken the term “casual” to new depths? Well, hate to say it and if you happen to bump into them, you will see they are the feminine version of their H-1 spouses.

Call center-

And aren’t those just a way of life now? I was on the phone last week with a customer service associate “Steve” (We don’t really have Steves in India) from some one who was trying to sell me time shares for a holiday resort (Shame on me for having picked up the phone!). He starts with this rather nasal north eastern American accent and as he starts to realize my accent is fairly Indian, his accent I kid you not, is starting to transform. From the New Jersey accent to a regular IT guy from Hyderabad. I was on the floor, phone hanging on to my ear, banging my feet on the floor, rolling in laughter. Now I did not want to put the phone down. This guy, who originally introduced himself as “Steve” finally broke down and his name was Sudarshan. I paid him a rich compliment and hung up with an assurance of “Let me think it over”. So when you think of messing with your Indian colleague with the “Is the call center guy your cousin” , chances are, there truly a cousin of everyone of us that works in a call center.

And now for all you ignoramuses- We do have elephants in India, but no, we do not ride them to work. We do not have HOV lanes for people sharing an elephant and they are not part of the growing Uber population.

 

A journey through a sliver of the Bible

 A passage through a sliver of the Bible-

Israel – As a first timer, its been a revelation and teaches why I should not listen to the media and other know-alls. Beautiful country and for a population of just over 8 million, the young country but biblical land has so much to offer. If not for the searing temperatures, it could just have been anywhere when you are in Tel Aviv. Then you turn south and go to the ancient port city of Jaffa (or Yafo, as its called), you start the time travel to times of Abraham.

A history of building, invasions, carnage, then the rebuild, development, time and again proves just how resilient the folks are. Tel Aviv is just barely 100, while Jerusalem is well over 4000 years old. Tel Aviv is just like any other modern city and still yearns to grow with its subway under construction and skyscrapers dotting the horizon. For an avid hiker, it’s a dream come true since everything in the city that is worth visiting can be covered on foot while savoring the ambience of the outdoor cafes.

An overwhelming experience to walk through the Biblical history in Jerusalem has to be the highlight. The east part of Jerusalem (Jeru for City and Shalom for Peace) was founded by King David (Of the David vs Goliath fame). The temple mount stands in the middle of the walled city which by the way has just over 40,000 denizens, Armenians, Jews, Muslims and Christians; A perfect harmony of cultures in this microcosm. The city is divided into these four quarters and underneath it all, lies the pathway over which Jesus was crucified and walked to his final destination. I got to see the place where he died, the place where he was anointed and the monument over his tomb. That is truly awe-inspiring.

Another sub highlight is the famous Wailing wall, that used to be a retaining wall of the temple structure. As you turn left of the wall, you see the minaret of the mosque that was built by the Muslim conquestors on the 7th century. The Al-Aqsa mosque also stands proud in the temple courtyard. Everyone from King David, Babylonians, Romans, Muslims, Ottomans, the British, The Jordanians and now the state of Israel has had something to do with this Biblical city.

Then the drive from 3000 m above sea level to 400 m below sea level passing through yet another slice of history and political turmoil, The West Bank to the Dead Sea. The Dead sea, where absolutely no life exists. Wading through it feels like wading through a barrel of oil, such viscosity made worse by the sulphates, bromides , chlorides and other mineral salts that keep it saturated. You could see Jordan on the other side of the Sea and its no picnic being at the beach here except to make sure you could actually float on water.

Visitors and Tourists- Just make sure you pick a cooler time to visit Israel if you can but if you are a sun worshipper, then by all means go for it any time. The Mediterranean beaches are just gorgeous and super lively.

One thing for sure – Never else have I seen a people with a more fierce national pride than the Israelis. They all go to public schools until they are 18, at which point all boys and girls have to compulsorily serve a 2-3 year stint in the military. There is a deep sense of belonging that exudes pride and patriotism.

 

 

Blame it on Rio?

With the curtains down on the Rio Olympics, what is it to the Brazilians? After having been the genial hosts for the 2014 world cup soccer and then the summer Olympics this year, what does it do to the country? With the ongoing talks from several world leaders about protecting the country and the earth for their children and grandchildren, one would hope the Rio Olympics does not pass on billions of dollars in debt to their future generations.

When reports of less than 90% tickets sold come out and considering these figures are way less than Beijing and London, it makes you think..is it going to take a generation and a half to clear these debts they may have accumulated?

Rio

Not to put a downer on the games, but we certainly witnessed history being made and well, the “victims” of that made up robbery scenario.

Memorable moments-

Usain Bolt, of course- He’s a brand

Michael Phelps, of course- He’s from Maryland

Then, it was Mo Farah- Arise Sir Mo, perhaps?

Simone Biles- Genuine happiness for her by everyone around

Lochte- Embarrassment personified, what else can I possibly add?

What was especially heartwarming was the world record winning performance in the men’s 400 m run by South African Wayne Van Niekerk watched and cheered on by his 74 year old coach.

The oil rich emirates of Bahrain and Qatar did import their athletes from Kenya and other East African nations and these people did them proud! So why are people crying sour grapes! Do whatever it takes as long as its legal .

India- What a fiasco, what an encore of yet another disastrous non-performance. The two ladies that won them medals won them not because of everyone but they won them inspite of everyone. What an insipid show otherwise! How about staying away from the games for a few decades and may be do something to come of the shame shell meantime

Bottomline- Brasil- You did it! Damn good show!

PS- Nemar redeems himself,almost!